Anger Management Part 2 of 3
Posted by dtheyagu on June 1, 2007
Keep your Temper in check!Learning to Manage Anger in your LifePart 2 of 3
In the last segment I shared with you some causes of anger and how you can distinguish positive anger from the negative one. There are many things that occurs which triggers anger. If you are unable to channel this psychological reaction effectively it will cause you to take actions or say things that you might regret afterwards. Mr. Laurence J Peter said: “Speak when you are angry – and you will make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”
When you become angry there is a series of cascading reaction in your body that will make you feel, irritable, frustrated and miserable. However, all these reactions occur in your mind and the thought processes that make you feel this way affects your physical actions as well. You need to realize that as long as these feelings occur in your mind you still have the ability to take charge of it and manage it in such a way that you are motivated by the course of action you take. It’s all about having the choice to do or feel what you want. Dr Wayne Dyer puts it as: “Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.”
In order to allow you to manage your anger here are some tips:
1. Analyze the situation that makes you angry
This may sound difficult. After all when you are feeling angry – then you are angry. Right! However, sometimes your anger may be a by-product of a wrong response that your brain has perceived. Analyze the situation to see what and why you feel this sense of anger. Anger can be caused by an external event like you getting stuck in a traffic jam and being worried that you will be late for an important appointment. It can also be caused by an internal event like someone said some things about you that are untrue. You will feel a sense of resentment and anger against this person and might want to rectify the situation. In both these situation if you are unable to do anything because it is beyond your control you feel furious which affects your thinking and your ability to rationalize. This is when you should channel away your anger. Try to resolve the situation if you can, if this is not possible then learn to move on. Lingering on to the situation only going to make matters worst for you.
2. Analyze the people you are dealing with
The people in your life can influence you in more ways than you think. If you are always in the company of people who have the tendency to lose their temper easily, it will also affect your sense of inner balance. There is an Arabic proverb which says: “A wise man associating with the vicious becomes an idiot; a dog traveling with good man becomes a rational being.” There is a tendency too that when you mingle with people of this caliber that you might end up feeling angry about things or other people that is not really your problem.
You may not be able to avoid these kinds of people always, but you can be wary of them and keep in mind that you are in charge of your feelings. Further try to associate with people who are calm and peaceful. Observe how they are able to manage their anger and see whether you could emulate this in yourself. John Maxwell epitomized this ability when he said: “You will acquire the vices and virtues of your closest associates. The fragrance of their lives will pervade your life.”
3. Learn to laugh at mistakes you make
Life is never an easy road. You will face obstacles and sometimes fall. If every time something bad happens you get angry and fall into the “Why Me!” syndrome you will face difficulties in finding peace with yourself. The truth of the matter is that whenever you have the “Why Me!” feeling – note that if it not you who else then? Thomas Fuller said: “None knows the weight of another’s burden”. This statement reflects that we think that what has happened to us is unfortunate and unfair. However there are others who might have suffered a worst consequence. The only way to manage such a feeling of dread that leads to anger is to learn to laugh at yourself and the mistakes that you’ve made. The more you are able to do this the more inner peace you attain and you become better at handling situations or people who make you angry.
4. Develop a sense of Self regard
Self regard is your ability to visualize yourself as to who you are and what you are capable of. If you regard yourself in low esteem then that’s what is going to happen. On contrary if you hold yourself in high regard then you will receive the kind of respect that you seek. Having a good sense of self regard will make you a patient, even-tempered and effective person. You will become the man or woman who mean what you say or say what you mean. A lack of self-regard often indicates a feeling of insecurity and a morbid fear of the unknown and uncertain. This will prevent you from making decisions or exercising your right when there is a need to and thus create a latent anger sensation within you. If not checked this inner feeling will give rise to toxic emotions such as hate, envy and fury that can cause dire consequences.
You can increase your sense of self-regard by having more trust in your abilities and capabilities. Note that the one thing that makes you who you are and what you want to be is faith. Erich Fromm beautifully puts it: “Only a person who has faith in himself is able to be faithful to others.”
Article contributed by:Daniel Theyagu is a keynote speaker and seminar leader for conferences and training programmes. He runs Lateral Solutions Consultancy which designs and conducts competency-based training for organizations E-mail:
dtheyagu@singnet.com.sg; website: www.lateralsolutionsconsult.com.
